Juice

Gas prices are high. So high that I don't think people have noticed that the price of juice has gone up too. That can only mean one thing. They are putting juice in the gas.

I went to the BP gas station the other day and filled up with regular unleaded. I remember being really thirsty for some reason while I was filling up. I head down the street and hit the AC. I'll be damn if it didn't smell just like apple juice. I went back to the station and the Arab clerk looked at me strange when I came in.

"Something is wrong with your gas?" I say in my calmest I'm bout-to-wild-out voice.

"What the problem sir?" His broken english infuriates me.

"Nigga It's JUICE! The premium smells like strawberry lemonade! Something is wrong with your gas, now you need to .." The Arab man throws a bag of incense at me. It explodes on my chest. I'm overwhelmed with the smell of honey and jasmin, and quickly drift off into a forced, yet delightfully fragrant, sleep. When I awaken from my jasmin blackout I'm sitting in my car with a plastic thank you bag full of scented oils, a Mazda keychain, a lighter and a half finished Sprite. I also have a full tank of real gas.

When I tell my boy, he tells me I'm crazy. The same boy that came up to me talking about how Ken Lay was still alive living in Bermuda. He has never met Ken Lay or any of the Lays. Couldn't pick the man out of a line up. Never invested in Enron or knew anybody that invested in Enron. He had absolutely no evidence to support his theory. I still have the scented oils! Why the hell would I buy scented oils from a gas station? He points out the convenience of him dying before going to jail and I stopped short of questioning how convenient it is to die before damn near anything. He calls me crazy.

After all the random Bible justifications he's made to me about everything he's calling me crazy. He tried to explain to me (using Bible verses) the Isreal/Lebanon conflict and made not one bit of sense. I didn't call him crazy when he made that left at Jews being thieves and went straight to black people being entitled to all the land in the Middle East because of the 400 years of slavery we endured. I don't call him crazy when he uses the good book to justify or explain everything torturing terrorist to exiling gay people to an island for God to destroy it. I don't think it says that.

I thought he, of all people, would understand and see the truth about this juice. I see now that conspiracy theories often only make sense to the people that create it. I'll keep my "Juice Gas" theory and you keep your "White People Lock Up Black Men to have Sex With Black Women" theory. We'll see whose right when your car starts smelling like cranberry juice.