Monday Movie Review

Some movies should never have been made. I refer to these movies as being ass ( as in full of s@*#, i.e. This movie is ass.). Adding to my long list of horrible movies that include such hits as Secret Window and The Heat Up In Harlem is that Fantasia movie. I'm not even going to take the time to find out what the name of the movie actually is. Its probably something similar to all the other Lifetime movies like Murder in a Small Town: The Susie Mays Story or Fatal Intentions: The Caryn Smith Story or Fatal Murder in a Small Town: The Susie Caryn Smith Story.

It's the worse movie showing on Lifetime right now, for sure. Lifetime has a history of making below average movies so I'm not sure if I can declare it the worse movie ever made by Lifetime but its definitely in the running.

I didn't want to watch it in the first place but one of my friends had her sorrors tell her she had to watch the movie. It was her house so I couldn't argue with her. We were slack jawed in amazement that this movie actually made it on the air. It was so desperate to be inspirational it was sad. You can't make your life inspirational. No matter how much crying you do. Either it is or it isn't.

Let's start with the casting. Dwayne Wayne as Fantasia's dad? I swear he looked like he's 5 years older than her. He looked like he shot all his scenes that day. He looked the exact same when he was playing he dad at 5 as he did when he played her dad at 25. They didn't even bother to gray his beard or anything to give the illusion of the passing of time. Everyone else was a big range of D list actors that read their lines with little or no emotion. Fantasia was the worse. Besides the fact that I hate when people play themselves in movies. Gouging out your eye trying to make tears fall is not acting. I thought the girl was trying to push her brain out the back of her head with her palm when she started "crying". She brought an unknown amount of stupidity to the "sexual assault" scene. Its your big emotional moment and the most she could pull out was a bland read off the notecard "No. Let go my hand. No." It was a voice over on top of that. I can hear the producer saying "ok Fantasia one more time with feeling." "noo. let go my hand"

Which brings me to the horrible script. Whose child wrote this movie? The dialogue was terrible. It had some of the most unbelievable moments in it. She went back to the church and interrupted service with her singing and everybody in the church gathered around her and laid hands on her. I don't even think they did all that for Jesus. I been to High Point and they don't do all that. Getting jumped by 15 pretty little light skinned girls for having big lips (another bad casting choice the little girl didn't even have big lips). The worse was that huge monologue/tirade she had with the Idol producers. I don't think any producer would sit around and listen to her completely unemotional speech about all that. Artistic license is cool if you have to make it believable and this movie wasn't even close.

Editing and directing was half ass too. Take her "domestic violence" scene. Dude from Half and Half pushed her slightly and the next scene her eye is swollen and her lips is busted. I think they cut that footage with a chainsaw. No transition. Scenes with no relation back to back. Random characters popping in and out of the story. Plotlines left hanging in the air like fallen power lines. They filled the movie up with so much pointless dribble they only had 15 minutes for her entire American Idol season (which include her 10 minute tirade and commercials). That was supposed to be the big payoff and it was at best rushed. At worse made by a bunch of incompetent stooges.

This movie was made to be all inspiring and motivational. Instead of feeling like "Damn, Fantasia has been through a lot and achieved success despite all the odds. I can do the same." I'm thinking more like "Damn, this movie about Fantasia is ass. I've put myself through a lot sitting through this mess of a movie. I can do better than this trash."

So I guess that means that it actually is inspiring. I'm inspired to not watch another bad movie about how bad some famous person's life was.

Grade F-