Daddy

Sitting at the doctor's office is never a good thing. The decor is stark and completely lacking any personality, specifically designed to be able to clean thoroughly. They have those chairs that are massed produced and specifically designed for the strictly utilitarian purpose of letting me sit while I wait all damn day for them to get to us. While I can appreciate both reason, I don't enjoy either very much.

Luckily my wife and I didn't have to wait too long and we ushered back to the ultrasound room. That is if you don't consider 45 minutes in an uncomfortable chair too long. Two women sitting in front of the ultrasound machine greeted us with unusual happiness. They prepped my wife and greased up her..shall I say...pleasantly plump pregnant belly. I'm sitting beside her dumbly looking at the whole process wondering what the hell am I supposed to be doing.

One of the ladies, perhaps after noticing my confusion, goes into a well rehearsed speech about what she's going to do and what's going on. She clicks on the machine and tell us we can check out the tv monitor and see everything that's happening. She rubs the ultrasound handheld thing all around in the grease and blurs of white and grey dance across the blank, black tv screen like a kaleidoscope. She whirls it around back and forth. Suddenly I saw something. Random parts of what was unmistakably a little person.

As I looked at the gray impression of a child playing blissfully in the womb I was swept up in a sense of love I've never felt before. As much as I love my wife and love my family and friends, this was not even close. It was the most extreme feeling. It was unexplainable. The women moved the little sensor thing around suddenly the smiling face was there curled up and helpless. Everything in my life has built up to this and I felt her more than I've ever felt anyone in my life (I say her because the baby's legs were closed so they couldn't tell what it was but until I see a "wee-wee" it's a girl). I wanted to scream at her that I was here and I'll always be here. That for the rest of my life I'll be trying against all odds to move heaven and earth to make sure she's happy. Everything I do will be motivated by very breath she takes. Everything I make will hopefully create a legacy of love that will only begin to show how special she is to me. Ours soul's will find each other in the endless darkness of life and always be connected.

The sonographer (is that a word?) continued to map to geography of my little miracle love child. 2 legs. 2 arms. A big ol head (I feel sorry for my wife's body, I really do). 10 fingers moving in random motions. A little baby belly. A strong little heart. All revealed to me in splendid black, white and grey. There was the person that will make my life worth living on my lowest days. My greatest achievement by far. My greatest joy. I'm a proud father already.