Monday Movie Review

Some movies should never have been made. I refer to these movies as being ass ( as in full of s@*#, i.e. This movie is ass.). Adding to my long list of horrible movies that include such hits as Secret Window and The Heat Up In Harlem is that Fantasia movie. I'm not even going to take the time to find out what the name of the movie actually is. Its probably something similar to all the other Lifetime movies like Murder in a Small Town: The Susie Mays Story or Fatal Intentions: The Caryn Smith Story or Fatal Murder in a Small Town: The Susie Caryn Smith Story.

It's the worse movie showing on Lifetime right now, for sure. Lifetime has a history of making below average movies so I'm not sure if I can declare it the worse movie ever made by Lifetime but its definitely in the running.

I didn't want to watch it in the first place but one of my friends had her sorrors tell her she had to watch the movie. It was her house so I couldn't argue with her. We were slack jawed in amazement that this movie actually made it on the air. It was so desperate to be inspirational it was sad. You can't make your life inspirational. No matter how much crying you do. Either it is or it isn't.

Let's start with the casting. Dwayne Wayne as Fantasia's dad? I swear he looked like he's 5 years older than her. He looked like he shot all his scenes that day. He looked the exact same when he was playing he dad at 5 as he did when he played her dad at 25. They didn't even bother to gray his beard or anything to give the illusion of the passing of time. Everyone else was a big range of D list actors that read their lines with little or no emotion. Fantasia was the worse. Besides the fact that I hate when people play themselves in movies. Gouging out your eye trying to make tears fall is not acting. I thought the girl was trying to push her brain out the back of her head with her palm when she started "crying". She brought an unknown amount of stupidity to the "sexual assault" scene. Its your big emotional moment and the most she could pull out was a bland read off the notecard "No. Let go my hand. No." It was a voice over on top of that. I can hear the producer saying "ok Fantasia one more time with feeling." "noo. let go my hand"

Which brings me to the horrible script. Whose child wrote this movie? The dialogue was terrible. It had some of the most unbelievable moments in it. She went back to the church and interrupted service with her singing and everybody in the church gathered around her and laid hands on her. I don't even think they did all that for Jesus. I been to High Point and they don't do all that. Getting jumped by 15 pretty little light skinned girls for having big lips (another bad casting choice the little girl didn't even have big lips). The worse was that huge monologue/tirade she had with the Idol producers. I don't think any producer would sit around and listen to her completely unemotional speech about all that. Artistic license is cool if you have to make it believable and this movie wasn't even close.

Editing and directing was half ass too. Take her "domestic violence" scene. Dude from Half and Half pushed her slightly and the next scene her eye is swollen and her lips is busted. I think they cut that footage with a chainsaw. No transition. Scenes with no relation back to back. Random characters popping in and out of the story. Plotlines left hanging in the air like fallen power lines. They filled the movie up with so much pointless dribble they only had 15 minutes for her entire American Idol season (which include her 10 minute tirade and commercials). That was supposed to be the big payoff and it was at best rushed. At worse made by a bunch of incompetent stooges.

This movie was made to be all inspiring and motivational. Instead of feeling like "Damn, Fantasia has been through a lot and achieved success despite all the odds. I can do the same." I'm thinking more like "Damn, this movie about Fantasia is ass. I've put myself through a lot sitting through this mess of a movie. I can do better than this trash."

So I guess that means that it actually is inspiring. I'm inspired to not watch another bad movie about how bad some famous person's life was.

Grade F-

How Deep Is Your Ocean

The bass marches to at its pace and my heart follows the slow, relaxed rhythm.

The drums bring the ambiance. Subtle ticks of a sleepy snare. Easy cymbals swaying through the melody.

Suddenly the blares of the long agonizing notes of my life echo in my mind. The trumpet speaks the songs of my emotions as sure as I had hung them out on the line myself. Exposed wide to the expanse of the world. Bathed in the glow of the ethereal light of truth.

It's the song of the ocean cresting. The cacophony of sounds subsiding, mixing and changing into a gorgeous syncopation. A song so clear it disappears and you're lost inside.

The trumpet speaks the ideas of an artist taken away from his work, thirsty for the relief of creation. The oppression of the countless endeavors not allowed to breathe its breath. The tune of the wasted seeds of inspiration rotting in the dark behind a wall of distractions locked in a box of nothing.

The trumpet speaks triumph and regret in the same sad and happy moments. Standing alone in the dark with a smiling crowd of people. Kissing one while dreaming of the other. How could I enjoy myself so completely while being nonchalant to the pain it inflicts to others? How could I not? I rest with the pride of an unspoken apology and wish for moments to change, while praying that they never do.

The trumpet is the complexity of life. The sudden rage of calm waters threatening to take me under. Then letting me go battered but not broken. Setting me back on a course, now riddled with the debris pulled up from below.

The drums snap as if to say it was always there. It was the water that buoyed my voyage and hid the turbulence of the deep.

The bass move me forward. Steadily. Inexorably into the sunset.

(peace to legendary Miles Davis)

Super Solomon

I'm a strong black man. A college graduate. I hard working intellectual and I'm a comic book fan. Not a scrawny little wimpy geek. You won't catch me in the bathroom beating off to a Power Girl comic. I'm not one of those people dressed in a home made Batman suit complete with functional utility belt at a comic book convention. I will be at the convention buying trades and getting autographs from my favorite artists. (Tim Sale rocks!)

As I've grown up, the reasons I've loved comics have change. Since growing into an artist in my own right (self proclaimed artist, but an artist none the less). I'm not as amazed by the pretty pictures. (I'm still amazed but not as much). Now I love them for the same reason I enjoy novels and TV shows. I love the ideas behind it. The variety of characters being put into all kinds of great stories. Its really unbelievable how creative people can be and match it up with artwork. Still I can't help but have dreams of having some wild power going on crazy adventures.

What power would you have Mr. Solomon?

Well, I'll tell you. Matter fact, I'll give my top 3 coolest powers I wish I had.

#3 Green Lanterns power ring
All you have to do is think about the ring making something and boom a big green version of it pops up. No I wouldn't have a big green Escalade on 34s riding around the A town on my own big green expessway. It would be very tempting though. I'd still save people. Drop big green anvils on child molesters or fly around with my green jet pack stopping all this fighting in Isreal. Once all that was done I'd pick up Megan Good and make a big green house boat in the tropics and...well that's my wish.

#2 Magneto's magnetism
As much as I hated the Xmen 3 movie, watching Magneto rip up that bridge and fly over to that island was something special. Think about how much stuff is made of metal. Damn near everything! You could control most of the world! If you learned your power you could do all types of stuff. That is the bizness right there. The movie touches on the possibilities. I'd take it to the extreme and rule the world...I mean help people.

#1 Superman's powers.
They made Superman the perfect combination of power to cover every possible threat in the universe. He is damn near unbeatable. Not only can he fly (at supersonic speeds no less), not only is his strength near limitless (he can shift the orbit of the moon), not only is he super fast (races the Flash), not only is his skin nigh-invulnerable (bullets, missiles, asteroids nothing can hurt him), not only are all his senses superhuman (he tells you're lying by listen to your heartbeat,he can see through walls), not only can he breathe and create a tornado(not one of those halatosis joints, a real gust of wind), not only can he live in the vacuum of space unaffected, on top of all that he has the ultimate game over power...heat vision. Don't sleep on Superman's heat vision. IT IS DEVASTATING!! I could fly over the city, look down and vaporize entire city blocks!! I could look at you and melt the buttons off your shirt. That range of control makes that the ultimate ability. I could do whatever I wanted and no one could stop me.

Not that I would do anything and need to be stopped. I'm the nicest guy in the world. *smile*

What power would you want?